Death

blog-247-copySometimes we come through some incidents in our life which make us realise that whatever we gain in our life, in the end we are all losers in the  battle of life and death.

One of my distant relative (distance in term of relation but close in terms of heart)  is suffering from cancer right now. Doctor said that she can live for one or two months. I was shocked and sad when my father told me this news over phone. When my mother was 8 year old, her mother passed away… So, technically my mother knew nothing of motherly love… whenever she goes to her father’s home she always sees her bahbhi (wife of brother) giving small-small gift to her daughters. Although my mother’s bahbhi always claims to be unpartial towards my mother but you will know partiality when you see it .

So this relative who is suffering from cancer always show lot of respect towards my mother and love towards me. She is good person . She have cancer in her kidney and doctor said that they can’t save her even after removing kidney as she is in last state (well we can never knew whether she can be saved or not because we are not  wealthy people ).

deathbed2Right now her stomach is looking yellow in colour(like it is getting rotten/decaying  from inside ), she is not eating anything from last 15 days and i don’t know what to do. In these type of scenario i always got tensed about health of my loved ones. I know death inevitable but it is really difficult to just accept it. It is really difficult to accept that people you knew from starting are not going to be with you till the end . Life is not easy but death is not i look forward to.

Last night i was watching one youtube videos in which steve jobs was giving lecture in some graduation ceremony, there he said that we should listen  to our inner voice regarding the decision that what we want to do with our life. My biggest fear is  die without doing something i really want. I know i don’t want to do things i am doing  right now… college,job.. i always wanted to go somewhere in isolation .. away from all the chains from this world to just absorb  beauty of nature but till now i am unable to find guts to leave everything behind,.

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