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My Banana ride experience

I love Goa! Till now I and Sid visited goa for 2 times. The first time we went to attend “Sunburn Festival” and the second time was just honeymoon kind of trip. I enjoyed the second one the most, but not just because of honeymoon part but because we did a lot of adventurous activities…
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Missing You

Sometimes I feel like giving up and run away somewhere with Sid. But running away is not an option for me the thing is I really love my younger brothers and I don’t want to impose punishment of my doings on them.
Now all I have to do is wait and wait…
I know it’s really difficult for Sid to stay away from me but I can’t turn my back from my family.
Last time when I talked to my father about Sid and mine’s future he kind of gave me panic attack by telling “NO”. Falling in Love is the best thing happened to me in this lifetime and I will never leave you lone but for now I have to fight this war with my parents alone.
The thing is Sid and me are from different caste, hence if my parents agree for our marriage it will create great difficulty in marriage (or maybe no marriage ) for my brothers. To solve this problem I talked to Sid and he said he will change his caste by becoming adopted son (in name only) of someone from my caste but my great father is not listening to me. He wants me to forget Sid and marry someone else, they says that they will find great husband for me and as a last resort I threatened my parents that i will commit suicide if they makes me marry someone else and maybe I will commit suicide in reality if that happens because I love Sid alot and it’s impossible for me to imagine my life without him, I don’t know why my parents can’t see this fact.
I am also teaching my brother so that he can get great job which may increase his chances of getting married if I do something reckless.
Sometimes I really feel lonely, due to my father I am not allowed to talk Sid anytime I want, I calls him whenever no ones is around.I miss everything about him and everytime when I think about us it makes me cry. Now days I am crying alot otherwise I will become mad by the depression I am going through. My pillow is only companion I have whenever I cries before sleeping in night.
Everyone thinks that I am happy cause I smiles alot in front of other but I am really hiding my wounds from other eyes. .

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Sin

When I was in 2nd year of my college one of my junior told me about the site called wattpad. I am a book addict… and till now I have read hundreds of book but due to my behavior or i don’t know why but some of my classmates used to think that i am not a book reading type of person… sometimes i feel anger because of their judgement.

Well I somehow told my mother clearly that i will marry sid and only sid and if they tries to marry me off to some other guy then i will run away…

I know this is harsh but love is something which can make you do all short of things…

I really want to grow old with sid.

 Right now I am attending a coaching institute in order to prepare better for job  exams and there i  made some new friends. I don’t know why but i always  end up in group of three friends. Here also i  meet sonia and seema. Sonia is  30 year old married woman. Sonia married her boyfriend anukur who  was  older brother of her friend.

 They were happily married for last 6 years but due to anukur’s mother they  staying separate now. Anukur’s mother wants some grandchildren in her  house but due to some complication it is difficult for sonia to get pregnant hence anukur’s mother is trying everything in her power to separate these two but the most shocking thing is that anukur doesn’t have backbone to stop his mother from making sonia miserable.

Guess what I think sonia loved wrong person.

My second friend seema is very innocent girl who remainds me of myself when i was in my teenage. She have two older brothers and wants to go somewhere away from family because somehow they are suffocating her with there extra love. She want freedom. Apart from this it’s been 1 month since i have seen sid face to face I am missing him alot. We talk daily on skype or phone but I miss holding his hand , kissing is lips and everything… sometimes when my parents make me feel miserable about sid (according to them I have done some sin by falling in love with sid ) I miss his comforting hug and things he always do to make me smile again…

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Feeling Lost

Before meeting Sid, I had lot of plans related to my future… I wanted to become lot of things, I wanted to become famous, wanted to do lot of things… but now everything seems meaningless.
I was sitting in train crying … returning home after graduating but now it doesn’t even feels like home….
Now I regret lot of things.. I wise to go back in time and spend more time talking or loving Sid rather than fighting him over silly matters.
I miss him like hell… my father says that people comes and goes it’s nature of life but what he doesn’t understand is “Sid is not any other person in my life , I love him” .. He says that I made choice of loving Sid and I should suffer consequence(pain of separation) due to my decision.
In India we have caste system( Caste: different group of people who were divided according to there work in ancient time and generally people marry with other person from same group.. Now it’s kind of mandatory ) … well me and Sid don’t belong to same caste but I don’t have any problem with that nor Sid’s parent … but my father says if Heagrees to mine and Sid’s marriage than people from my caste will banish my family and it can cause difficulty in my brothers marriage.
To be frank I don’t want to get married right now but I do want to have future with Sid.
How I wish that things were simple…
I don’t know what to do … I don’t want my brothers to suffer because of my love but I don’t want to leave Sid also….

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I said it

Yes there I said it !!!

I finally acknowledged my relationship with Sid in front of my parents. Well there reaction was hilarious, at first they were scolding me about thinking about some guy in that way…. they were saying that I broke their trust … I misused all the freedom they have given me … not once they asked me about why I am liking this boy… Somehow they went into denial and told me to concentrate on my studies …

I was crying like hell… they told me to stop talking to sid and all …. during this whole drama sid was clam …. he said me to wait for my parents to absorb this new information about their daughter…

but deep down in my heart I was scared as hell that what if this is end of my fairy tale with Sid and somehow telling them about Sid seems bad idea to me …. After around 2-3 hours of continuous crying, I got call from my father he told me to concentrate on my studies and he will manage things about marriage. He told me that he will not marry someone to me without my permission. He told me that first I should make great career without any distraction then all our family member will discuss about my marriage.

His advice seems logical to me as from his point of view good job will make me financially independent.

I don’t know whether he accepted Sid or not. But I think he didn’t reject him and maybe I should be happy with this for now as there is hope.

Before all this… I was thinking to tell my parents about Sid after getting a great job but due to my brothers information that my father is searching some boy boy for me I lost my control and told them everything.

I know right now they tensed are as hell as they don’t know anything about Sid and his family. They are tensed about my future…. and the thing is I don’t know how to decrease their tension is making me guilty. I love my parents a lot and if I will have a choice then again i will again choose to become their daughter.

I am really lucky to have so many good people in my life.

 

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Party with friends

Hen party! Funny friends for your designWell Sid went to his hometown to meet his sister. Initially I was sad and at the airport same scene of tears and goodbyes happened…. Normally i don’t like to show my weakness to anyone and somehow to me tears are sign of mental weakness…  It’s hard to explain my feelings whenever me or sid goes home … somehow it becomes difficult to breath, I feel some awkward kind pain in my chest  and by default tears starts streaming from my eyes….  meaning of the phase “Heavy heart ” is kind of understable to me now… and after going home like always I forget everyone… I does love to go home… i enjoy time with my brothers…. Cooking with mom … i like to  offer first bite of whatever I cook to my father then waiting to hear his comment whether it is tasty or not… I love seeing my mom’s collection of bangles (she loves them) and all …. Maybe it is difficult to part me from my family ….

Somehow Sid never understands my love for my family …to him all relatives are …. Well…. well….. I was not planning to write all this…

So as Sid went home …. Now I am kind of free to meet all my friends and all …. One of my friend got admission in some awesome place so she gave us party!!!!

I went there …. there I saw lot of people from my  batch who are in different branch than me ………

In my first year I used be very shy girl … that time I was not comfortable to talk to boys … but with my girl friends I used to party_party_221445enjoy alot …. I love climbing trees and used to kind of emotionally blackmail my friends to go with me to explore the forest kind of thing near my college…

That time I had crush on a boy …. So  whatever I never interacted many boys that time … so never knew anything about my classmates ..

but yesterday I enjoyed party alot…. it feels like they were my partners in this long journey … we shared lot of moments together .. i don’t know somehow I feels proud to be with them in this journey…. we know everything about everyone …. know how to tease …. and my friends told me that i am not changed (I used to think that I changed alot … ) I still makes everyone laugh  but I am more open minded now….

They still says I am not mature … hey who said I want to be mature ;-)… I really don’t want to become adult …. that is boring…..

Today I am planning to go to shopping with jalak and ya…. she kind broke up with other senior but for now she decided to stay single for some time…

I am planning to sing in group during upcoming republic day…

And one part of my mind kind of starts wishing to force sid go home more often :p.

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